the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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