She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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