Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
