We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
