They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
