Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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