hell yes lets make some ravioli
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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