so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
