Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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