I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
