The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
