Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
