Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
