u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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