Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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