Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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