Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
