We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
