Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
