He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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