i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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