Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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