The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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