I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
