U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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