She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
