i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
