And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
