Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
