No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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