I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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