we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize