i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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