I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
