piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you never un-have a 4some
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
