Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
