Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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