I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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