I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
