His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
