someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was confusing and full of hummus
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
