My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
