oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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