If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
