all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
