He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
