i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
