i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
