I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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