Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
