Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
