Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize