butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just puked most of my soul out..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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