these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
