We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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