I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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