I hate all girls vehemently.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
