I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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