First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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