hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
