I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
