I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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