I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I lost the right to judge tonight
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