a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
