absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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