The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
