Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
